Dear Sweet Baby Grace,
I can’t believe you’ve been on this earth for over 3 months! And in that short amount of time you’ve gone from being super small and sleepy to energetic and alert (trust me, you don’t even want to take naps – that’s how alert you are). My favorite quote about this time with you is one I learned first in french:
“Je t’aime plus qu’hier moin que demain.”- Rosemonde Gérard
(I love you more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow.)
I’ll be honest with you, sweetie, the first weeks were SO hard. It’s not that you were difficult (you were so cuddly) but being thrust into a completely new life can be hard on new mamas. I don’t know if you know this about your dear mom but she doesn’t do so well with change. And oh the baby blues, don’t get me started on that.
And even though you slept most of the time, we struggled with breastfeeding. At the hospital we couldn’t get you to latch properly and because of that you didn’t eat much and I left badly bruised. We visited with two lactation specialists and I struggled mentally with what they wanted me to do. I wanted to breastfeed you but it was going to be a lot of work on my part non-stop, all day. I was looking for something that would work for us that didn’t involve me only resting for 20 minutes before restarting the process.
Alas, a dear friend (and your Grandma Chris) told me if I needed permission to use formula, that I had it. And so you became a formula baby. You love the stuff so it worked out well. We struggled through gas and fussiness but after my first AMMA new mom group, I realized we were NOT the only ones. Your little digestive tract was figuring itself out.
I’ll never forget the days of you eating and then falling asleep on me while I got to watch 2 episodes of LOST. I will miss skin-to-skin time snuggles, tummy time which turned into sleep, walks around the lake with Grandma and your Uncle Tony while playing Pokemon Go, and your long lost love for the mamaroo (which you decided to hate at 2 months).
You are getting better at being set down to entertain yourself every day but I stay close so I can give you new tools to play with and new interactions with your senses. Yesterday we smelled basil, you didn’t get it. It’s okay, you’re new.
Being a new mom can be crazy hard. New mamas worry, love, get sad, have loads of joy, and fear (oh the fears). I hope that google search histories will never be made public… becuase the world and probably you would think I’m crazy. But what I think is REALLY crazy is that one day (if you so choose and are able) will have one of your own and I will watch you go through this and there might not even be a google. OR a world. #zombieapocolypse
But if there is a world (and I’m guessing there will be…) then I hope you know that I love you with all my heart and you are the best thing that ever happened to your dad and I. We are so excited for the next phases of your babyhood and life. Next up, 4 month sleep regression.
I love you, sweet Gracie.