Letter To My 3-Month Old

September 14, 2016


Dear Sweet Baby Grace,

I can’t believe you’ve been on this earth for over 3 months! And in that short amount of time you’ve gone from being super small and sleepy to energetic and alert (trust me, you don’t even want to take naps – that’s how alert you are). My favorite quote about this time with you is one I learned first in french:

“Je t’aime plus qu’hier moin que demain.”- Rosemonde Gérard

(I love you more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow.)


I’ll be honest with you, sweetie, the first weeks were SO hard. It’s not that you were difficult (you were so  cuddly) but being thrust into a completely new life can be hard on new mamas. I don’t know if you know this about your dear mom but she doesn’t do so well with change. And oh the baby blues, don’t get me started on that.

And even though you slept most of the time, we struggled with breastfeeding. At the hospital we couldn’t get you to latch properly and because of that you didn’t eat much and I left badly bruised. We visited with two lactation specialists and I struggled mentally with what they wanted me to do. I wanted to breastfeed you but it was going to be a lot of work on my part non-stop, all day. I was looking for something that would work for us that didn’t involve me only resting for 20 minutes before restarting the process.

gracie-week1Alas, a dear friend (and your Grandma Chris) told me if I needed permission to use formula, that I had it. And so you became a formula baby. You love the stuff so it worked out well. We struggled through gas and fussiness but after my first AMMA new mom group, I realized we were NOT the only ones. Your little digestive tract was figuring itself out.


I’ll never forget the days of you eating and then falling asleep on me while I got to watch 2 episodes of LOST. I will miss skin-to-skin time snuggles, tummy time which turned into sleep, walks around the lake with Grandma and your Uncle Tony while playing Pokemon Go, and your long lost love for the mamaroo (which you decided to hate at 2 months).


You are getting better at being set down to entertain yourself every day but I stay close so I can give you new tools to play with and new interactions with your senses. Yesterday we smelled basil, you didn’t get it. It’s okay, you’re new.


Being a new mom can be crazy hard. New mamas worry, love, get sad, have loads of joy, and fear (oh the fears). I hope that google search histories will never be made public… becuase the world and probably you would think I’m crazy.  But what I think is REALLY crazy is that one day (if you so choose and are able) will have one of your own and I will watch you go through this and there might not even be a google. OR a world. #zombieapocolypse

But if there is a world (and I’m guessing there will be…) then I hope you know that I love you with all my heart and you are the best thing that ever happened to your dad and I. We are so excited for the next phases of your babyhood and life. Next up, 4 month sleep regression.

I love you, sweet Gracie.



Grace’s Newborn Photos

August 8, 2016

In only two days, I am returning to work. And while I am excited to be back in the world of coffee without interruptions, solving business problems, and being around adults who don’t need drool wiped off their mouths… I will miss this little angel. She is the most beautiful happy baby and I love her so much. And not to be able to spend as much time with her is going to seriously bum me out (to say the least). I know she will be cared for well by Grandma (which is a GODSEND). Here is the beauty in her newborn photos…


Grace’s Birth Story

June 10, 2016

Screenshot 2016-06-09 08.43.41150/74. That was the blood pressure reading at my 38 week checkup. And Dr. Flynn wasn’t thrilled with that number. Who would be?

“I’m sorry but we need to classify you as Gestational Hypertension as you’ve now had two high blood pressure readings and because of that, I can’t have you going past week 40. I think we should schedule an induction for next week.”

It was go time and it was a week early. Babies come when they want, I reminded myself, as I started googling all the stories about inductions. I was trying to get an idea of what’s involved in inductions. And man some stories were grim: 3 day labors, 4 hours pushing, and some even ending in C-section. Scary stuff that I needed to prepare mentally for over the course of a weekend. I was slowly realizing that life was about to change forever — on a scheduled date.

It’s a date

Having a date and time set up gave us some time to get prepared. Breon started batch cooking. He made lasagna, lettuce wrap meat, plain ground beef and 8 lbs of pulled pork! (Yum.)

I re-packed my hospital bag with provisions and clothes for 3-4 days, preparing for a long induction. I looked at my birth plan and thought well if this goes out the window so be it. I just want my baby here safe…I don’t care how. By Sunday morning, we were ready to go. Well, as ready as we were going to be.


Eat some protein

I was told to call the hospital to make sure they had a room at 4:30pm on Sunday. Alas, they did. But the charge nurse recommended that I eat some protein as it could be “a while” before I could eat again. Breon quick made some scrambled eggs and I made some oatmeal. Between those two things, I thought, I’d be set.

We got to the hospital around 5pm with all of our luggage, looking like we were about to go on vacation, not have a baby. After getting checked in and set up in the room, we relaxed and watched some videos. My doctor had ordered the pill instead of the gel to ripen and open my cervix, since I was neither effaced or dilated at all upon arriving at the hospital. Essentially, I was not a great candidate for induction.

Let the ripening begin

They did three rounds of Cytotec throughout the night to help move things along so that I could start pitocin in the morning. That was a long night! I was able to sleep off and on but the nurse inserting the pills didn’t have the best bed side manner. I wasn’t having contractions yet so I felt pretty good. When referring to labor later on, I don’t consider this part of it. It wasn’t painful… pain is the only part of labor that I consider — labor.


At 7:00 am, our doula Amanda arrived and not long after they started the pitocin. I had to wait until 10:00am to start that though, so we watched some Game of Thrones while waiting for all the “fun” to start.


The “fun” part

At about 9:30 am, they started an IV of fluids. Luckily, she was able to get a good vein right away for the IVs. Thank God! Not like I was going to be experiencing any other sort of pain (#sarcasm). Then at 10:00 am, they started the pitocin drip which did not take long to start contractions, essentially they were there right away and the intensity was medium (but at the time they felt harsh). There was no ramp up or time to prepare. Labor had started.


Having Amanda and Breon there coaching me through the contractions was a Godsend because otherwise I would’ve tensed up and not relaxed as much between contractions. And knowing how this works now, I know my labor would’ve been longer and harder. I will forever recommend a doula to all who ask.

At 12:30 pm they checked my progress. The baby was a bit lower but I didn’t want to know how dilated I was. The nurse was about to say it and I just told her I didn’t want to know. I knew we weren’t close and knowing that I was a 3 or 5 wasn’t going to help me get through this. So at 12:45pm they upped the pitocin drip to continue moving the process along.

The struggle is real

The contractions came on heavier and heavier as we moved throughout the day. I would lay, stand and sway with Breon, sit on the toilet, and repeat. They had to constantly monitor the baby since there were medications involved but the nurses couldn’t find a good position on my stomach to get her heartbeat. Just when they would get it, I would move an inch and they’d lose it. Of course, none of this mattered to me. I was in a much different, more intense pain and off in never never land.

2016-05-23 11.40.18The same struggle should be said to the lovely nurses who were trying to take blood for labs. I think I was stuck unsuccessfully 3 or 4 times but again I didn’t give a crap. That pain was nothing compared to the contractions which were coming harder and stronger now. Some were even doubles, meaning I would only get a break for 10 FREAKING SECONDS. That was one of the only times I swore. And then quickly apologize which isn’t like me, ha!


At 2:45pm, I had thought enough was enough and used my safe word (bananas) to get the epidural. I wanted some relief from the pain. And knowing that inductions take a lot of time, I knew I didn’t want to be in this much pain for that long. As per our agreement, Amanda asked that I wait to see if I could get through 5 more contractions and I agreed.

I want to take a moment to acknowledge that Breon was the best, most supportive person throughout the day, basically doing whatever I needed him to do. Supporting me through contractions and giving me little pep talks. Even though I was completely out of it, I knew he was already rocking it as a dad and husband. What a team we are!

Screenshot 2016-06-09 08.41.13Epidural

At 4:00pm the nurse came in to check me again. She was “up in there” for a bit and I was thinking, “what’s going on.” I had been feeling a different sensation for a few contractions. It was like I wanted to push. She told me, before checking, that if I hadn’t progressed much, my doctor wanted to stop pitocin and instead use cervidal to help with my cervix again. This didn’t phase me because I wasn’t really in the room. I was somewhere else.

But then she said the magic words, “You’re 8cm… I triple checked.”

So, I guess, no to the epidural then. Which, by the way, is exactly what I wanted to happen. In the weeks leading up to labor, I had told my friend Ami that I would love to get to a point where an epidural isn’t an option. And that’s exactly what happened. Yay!


At 5:00pm they checked again. I was complete (10 cm dilated) and they started to casually get things ready for delivery. They called the on-call doctor from my clinic and all seem to be progressing. I, up to this point, was really wanting to push but Amanda was coaching me to breath through those. Now that I was 10cm, though, she said I could push for a total of 2 seconds but then I would have to breath through the rest of it. Each contraction brought 5 of these ‘pushing’ feelings.

The relief of the pushing sensation was so amazing that the pain didn’t really matter. But during a couple of these mini pushes, I felt something change. Did I say anything? No. I didn’t know what the heck was going on down there. But a nurse looked over and said, “We need a doctor, now!”

Everything from here is kind of a blur but I’ll do my best to explain what I can remember.

I remember a nurse pushed a button and said something. The next moment there were 12 people in the room getting ready and I was thinking cool… this might go fast. I was doing my mini pushes as a doctor walked in the room. According to Breon, he didn’t have time to get gloves or anything. 6 solid pushes and miss Grace came into the world.

I don’t remember much from that brief moment other than the doctor looked at me and asked..

Doc: Are you a first time mom?
Me: Yes (panting and breathing hard)
Doc: I need to shake your hand when this is all over. That’s impressive.
Me: Haha deal.

Skin to skin

Breon was at my chest crying and I was so overwhelmed that, once again, I didn’t cry at a momentous life moment. This is unlike me in so many ways but I knew I was still out of it. They put her on my chest and I was so amazed that she had just been inside me. Not only that but she had mini ears. I played with her ears for a while. The minute I started talking to her she calmed down and relaxed. It was absolutely amazing.

The nagy family

I had a small, 1st degree tear requiring a couple of stitches but that was the extent of my trauma. While at the hospital, my pain level was a zero.

Grace weighed in at 8 pounds exactly and 19.5 inches long. She was born at 5:15pm at United Hospital’s Mother Baby Center. I’m so grateful for how quickly labor went and our wonderful support team.

Breon with Grace

She is happy and content at home and Sen is her little protector! Our hearts are full of love.

2016-05-30 07.14.04-1

Post-birth photos by the amazing, Ami Kochendorfer!

Introducing Grace Mary Nagy

May 28, 2016

I’m super excited to introduce my daughter, Grace!

2016-05-23 07.45.51-2

Photo credit: Ami Kochendorfer Photography


As we work through the first week of parenthood, I will do my best to update you on the ongoings but also the birth story for Miss Grace.