Pre-read: this one has been a hard blog post to write. I don’t feel like I am still fully explaining myself in the below brain dump. Either way, it’s what I’ve been feeling the last month and I thought I’d share.
Soon, like really soon, I get to add a new title to my name. Mom. And, wow, is that a big responsibility! One of the biggest struggles I’ve had as of late, is the idea that I could lose myself in this new “mom phase” of my life.
For some time now, I have just been Amanda, ______:
- Business Owner
- Sen’s mama
- Coffee lover
- Idea master
- Travel obsessed
Throughout this pregnancy the one thing that has scared me the most is the idea of giving up my life and everything I love. Moms do everything for their kids and family. They sacrifice who they used to be for who they need and should become. Or at least that is what I thought.
I will love my kids with all my heart but I want to TRY (keyword) to remain true to myself. I totally get that I’ll change but I don’t want to lose any of the words above.
I Can’t Contain My Excitement
Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited to become a mommy. I have always wanted a family. One that will grow and become a bigger purpose for living. To raise fun, active, and respectful children that grow to be their own unique and weird individuals. But that’s not all I want to accomplish.
I recently read an article that opened my eyes to the idea of being an individual who is also a mom. And you should’ve seen the comments, why are other mom’s so judge-y? And I also read the book, Bringing Up Bebe. In that book, you see middle class french women who care for and love their children and family but also believe that they are people too who have hopes, dreams and desires in life. My goal is to emulate those women.
But the Guilt!
But then there is the idea of guilt. Already I’m starting to feel guilty for saying all these things. Shouldn’t I want to be a mom above all else? Shouldn’t giving up everything for my kids be a noble idea? Why do I feel bad for wanting to return to work? I already feel society judging me.
There Is Still So Much I Want To Do
I still want many things from life and I need to remember that having a family doesn’t mean that I give all of that up.
I still want to travel alone with my husband and grow our marriage. I still want to work and grow my career. I still want to have “adult time” with my friends. I want to grow my business and start new ones.
So, in my opinion, becoming a mom will only add to my other life titles. And it’s a big responsibility and a huge life change. One that I won’t understand until it’s actually here. But I have to remember to stay true to me.
I’m sure I’ll look back on this and laugh hysterically at my naiveness. Or maybe I will thank myself for remembering how important it is to stay true. Either way, I’m excited for this new adventure we are on and I can’t wait to see what comes.
And please don’t take this article as selfish or ungrateful. I am so grateful that I get to be a mom. But you can’t blame me for being a bit scared. Or maybe you can. That’s your prerogative.
Holy crap, you guys. Baby is coming.